I’m struggling. Because of Silvio’s depression, he had to take a day off work, and for the past week he’s had to do pretty much nothing in order to recover. I’ve felt scared, pressured to make up for the financial loss, down from the mood around here, and most of all, alone. Very alone. And just empty and drained from all that. And I’ve been talking to Abba and trying to just be with Yeshua as much as I can, but sometimes I’m so down I don’t even want to be comforted. And I know letting Abba hold me would comfort me, so I push Him away and then I feel even more alone. It is so consuming.
But today Abba has really helped me to see some things, if I’ll take them. With my vocation in mind–in all things, loving Silvio first, even if that means putting my grief aside–
- I can do all things in Christ. He’s living in me, and I’m made in His image. His characteristics are available to me if I embrace them.*
- No matter what happens around me, no matter what I may lose, I will always have this: praise.
- Praise Yahweh for the grace (help) that’s the response to my struggle. If I’m discouraged, praise Him for the courage He’ll give me. The more I praise, the more battles I’ll win, and the more I’ll have to praise Him for.
- Paul says that godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret. He also says God comforts the afflicted. This time will be something I’m thankful for later. It’ll make me closer to God–and stronger for the future battles.
- If I remain focused on God constantly, fixated on Him–I can’t be discouraged. And then, I can better love Silvio because I won’t be selfishly caught up in my own grief.
- Let Abba love Silvio through me. If He’s sharing His attributes with me through my nature which is made in His image, I cannot waste that. This is so much of what I exist for–to love Silvio through that incredible gift.
- Praise Yahweh for loving Silvio through me. Praise Yahweh for giving me such opportunities to love–love when it’s most needed and most purposeful. Praise Yahweh for this opportunity to cling close to Him in my grief.
*This reflection was from a reading in The Catholic Mom’s Prayer Companion by Lisa Hendey and Sarah Reinhard