As usual, there’s something wrong with my car so I can’t drive it. This means I can’t venture too far from home since Silvio needs the other car for work. The other day, he suggested that if I wanted, I could get a part-time job so that we could get a new, reliable car. I kind of liked the idea–at least, I liked the part about having a car. So I decided to think and pray about it. But I knew in my heart that that didn’t seem like the thing for me. I was sitting down to read my book as I asked God what He wanted. I had a sense that I should not seek out a job, but that I shouldn’t avoid one either–I should just embrace the life I have right now. I liked that and settled into my book…where I read about Saint Therese telling her sister not to try to be a prioress, but not to back down from it if it was asked of her! What a beautiful confirmation.
I love my life. I love that I am married to the person I most love and connect with and admire. I love being a stay-at-home wife and getting to devote so much attention to making a good home for Silvio and me. I love getting to spend so much time doing art and music and ministry, and that these things can actually be my lifestyle and not just a hobby. That I experience them as a vocation and even a job.
Sometimes I am tempted to think that the underlying reason I actually stay home is laziness. Of course, I must actively fight against laziness if I ever find myself falling prey to it, but that is not my motivation and the thought that it is is a perfect example of how the devil uses seemingly good things–the drive to not be lazy–to distract us from what we’re really called to do. I believe I am genuinely called to do the things I do, over a job, over anything. We don’t have kids yet, so even over that right now. This is where God wants me. He wants other people to do those other things.
I had a busy day yesterday. I allowed myself time to read one chapter of my book on the back deck for a break. It was one of the most charming moments I’ve had in a long time. It’s nearing the end of October, but the temperature was the most pleasant cool with just a touch of breeze. The sun was out, the birds chirped of contentment, and bright fall leaves peeked out of the woods. And Silvio and I were out there in the midst of it together, not talking, just sitting in each other’s company and in the delights of God’s masterpiece.
I felt the drive to go inside on schedule just because it was the Thing to Do, but I realized–there was no rush. Stay out here and enjoy the gift while I had it. Choose the good portion, as Jesus told Martha. (Luke 10: 38-42) The other stuff could wait, no matter how urgent it falsely felt–the gift was now.
Right now in my life I have the opportunity to embrace my unique passions of being a wife and artist full time. Maybe this will always be my life; maybe it won’t. But embrace it. I might like elements of having a job so that I can have a car and “freedom,” but I’m needed here and I like it better than any old job anyway. And when I’m doing what God is asking me to do, what He made me to do, it is not lazy no matter how different from other people’s expectations of the right way to live it may look. For me, this is the better portion.