My car has been broken for awhile, and I’ve been getting more impatient about it. I am so blessed to have people in my life who are happy to drive me places, and to have the freedom to not need a car all the time since I work from home, but still, I feel stifled and confined at times. I yearn for freedom and I long to be able to visit the people I’m close to, something I can’t do without a car. But Abba’s been talking to me about it.
Anytime I want something earthly so badly that I’m unhappy that I don’t have it, I’m making it an idol. If God hasn’t given it to me, it’s for a good reason. So coveting it is putting my wishes above God’s. Trust that He has a reason! Not that He necessarily caused my car to break, but that He at least has a reason for not intervening right now.
I am getting on fine without my car. God may be preserving me from a wreck, teaching me trust, or anything else. Do not get bitter about not having it without knowing the whole picture. (Also, a dear mentor: “Maybe God wants you to stay home and paint!”) Anytime anything at all is going differently than I want it to, I need to consider that I can’t see enough of the situation to want what’s best, or even what will make me happiest.
This very day, after I’d finally surrendered the car to God, I received news that a family member had gotten a good tax return and would pay for my car repairs. I had given my car to God, and He did something with it. He didn’t want me to give Him my car so that I wouldn’t have it anymore. When I gave Him my car, He made possible what I was grasping for in vain all along.
I think sometimes God wants simply the action of surrendering, not to actually take a thing from us. The surrender is what purifies me most and brings me closest to Him, even if I am given back the thing I surrendered. I just need to let go of my need for the thing that was taking the place of my need for God. I’m convinced He wants me to be happy. But happiness is only authentic when He gives it to me. And how can He give me happiness when I’m clinging to something so hard, holding it between Him and me so that He can’t even get to me?