Disclaimer: I never wanted to do this. I didn’t not want to either, it’s just that blogging about my personal life never even crossed my mind. I don’t tell anyone what’s really going on in my head. My husband has to really dig to get it out of me, because I have spent so many years training myself to be positive and because I don’t like to inflict negativity on people. I spent my childhood being angry and emotional, and I saw what it did to the people around me. I didn’t like it and decided that I wasn’t going to do that to people anymore. So I stopped sharing my feelings and somehow ended up on the opposite extreme. So here I am, and I haven’t even shared my deepest feelings with my closest friends and family.
This blog isn’t about sharing my feelings, but they’re going to come out by necessity. This blog is about sharing what God does in my heart. Because as I’ve been reading through my prayer journals, He has made it so abundantly clear to me that what He’s told me is not just for me. These things I have written are not the sort of thing I can come up with. The Holy Spirit has somehow worked through my fingers and the things that ended up in my journal are, I believe, meant to be shared.
The main themes so far are joy, suffering, healing, and marriage, and what God is doing in them and through them. I was reluctant to share anything of the sort because while it’s common knowledge that marriage isn’t always easy, I didn’t want to give the false impression that my husband is anything less than he is. Why would I be giving this impression? Because my husband suffers from depression, and while he is also the most joyful, selfless, loving, inspiring person I have ever met, it just so happens that the times I grow (and therefore write) the most are the times of suffering through depression. So I am hoping that I can offset that by interspersing little tales of all the ways he loves me so valiantly, because they are constant and beautiful. And maybe they can inspire you to love the way they inspire me.
I’m starting with the journal entries I made at the beginning of our marriage and going from there.