I was telling Silvio how honestly, as thrilled and relieved as I am to be experiencing healing from my insomnia and getting to sleep naturally again (story here), it pales in comparison to getting to see God work a healing in me. I have seen and believed in other people getting healed, but to experience it in myself is incredible beyond words. I’ve never felt this degree of individual care and love from Abba, given so specifically just to me. Him loving me so uniquely and personally.
At the same time, I have been struggling with doubt and fear that this healing will not last, that it was only for a short time. This has then caused me to fear that my lack of faith in the healing would nullify it, since faith in the healed is such a crucial ingredient when Jesus healed people. But Abba is bigger than that. And in this fear, I can only ask for His help. “I have faith. Help my lack of faith.” (Mark 9:24) While I know that Abba wants me to have faith, I also know that He doesn’t expect me to be strong on my own, but will help me if I just ask Him. And in that way, this is such a beautiful opportunity to experience His mercy. He already knows that faith comes hard for me. But He has worked in me, healed me anyway, and He’s helping me to choose faith to the degree I am able. He’s giving me space and mercy where I am lacking. He sees my efforts and my leaning on Him to fill in the blanks, and that is enough. It is so neat to experience and ponder His mercy in this new way, so personal to me and thus so much easier to grasp.
Praise You, Yahweh. Abba, thank You, thank You, thank You.