Something which comes so naturally to me when I’m trying to love on people is to think, “What makes me feel loved?” and love people accordingly. Silvio has shown me an even better way.
As soon as we started dating, Silvio was so intentional about making his primary task in life be to love me. What a great preparation for marriage! It has certainly held over. One way that he did this was to ask me regularly, at least once a week, “How can I love you better?” Inevitably he would take it to heart, even if it was difficult to hear, and love me better in just the way I said. Of course I made it a mutual thing and it built up the love between us so beautifully.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, service, quality time, and gifts. Silvio’s and mine are opposite. Silvio’s primary love language is physical touch, so it may have been the natural thing to love on me with gentle caresses. It would have been absolutely from his heart, and filled with authentic love, but I would not experience being loved as much as if he spent quality time with me. He is so sensitive to this and is always on the lookout for ways to love me that will make me feel loved, whether they come naturally to him or not. And I feel so much more deeply loved, not only because the action connects with me, but because I see so much intentionality behind it.